I never knew that grief could get comfortable

There is a popular belief that grief is experienced and manifests differently for each human being; I believe that to be true having experienced and observed it numerous times in my life. I also now believe that misery, depression, sadness, melancholy, exhaustion, etc—some of the byproducts of grief—can swallow you whole and settle into your DNA like a new normal poisoning your Spirit, Soul, and Body. 

There are times when you literally can’t do ANYTHING!

When my beautiful 18-year-old son Josiah took his own life this March of 2023 (3 months ago) I felt the cold, dark, enveloping grip of grief wrap it’s cold, clammy, thorny tentacles around me and just squeeze! I have since experienced a series of horrible dark, draining, angry and resentful emotions associated with this shocking and unexpected loss. 

Quite simply…I want him back!

This is not going to happen…and I thank God that He knew over 40 years ago that I’d need Him now in a way that I could never have anticipated.

Many of you know that there is no shortage of wonderful grief support groups, apps, curriculum, and programs of every description to include the old “tough it out” methods still in style with the toxic masculinity crowd. As I navigate life with this new challenge, I’m convinced that because I’m connected to the “Source” of All Joy that I will be able, one day, to move past the emotional impact of grief and face my new reality—without our son—in a way more consistent with who I am in Christ.

After all, Josiah would’ve wanted that.

Nehemiah 8: 10 NLT“…Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!

I have experienced the “Joy of the Lord” during my relationship with Him periodically over the years and have made a practice of operating in Joy throughout my day. I’ve always been able to differentiate the “Joy of the Lord” from the “Joy of the World”…you know, that happy-go-lucky, “skinnin’-n-grinnin’” so many project as a mandatory manifestation of God’s Joy. 

Of course, we all relish the days when our emotions exude a joyful, playful, carefree state, but so many experience this infrequently at best, rarely or never at worst.

We typically think of ‘vacation’ as we reflect on moments or periods where “everything was perfect”—describing our physical surroundings, financial state, relationship state…you fill in the blank. This seems like fertile ground for the Joy of the Lord to flourish and shine forth. On the contrary, the “Joy of the Lord” flourishes, most vividly, in what I call “the crucible of pain”.

This is where there are typically little to NO conditions that cater to the comfort of our Spirit, Soul or Body! This Joy flourishes purely as a result of the revelation that Jesus is Lord, God exists and He is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him!

In this human experience there is a time for everything—good and bad—whether we consider it God’s will or not. We all experience pain, trauma, and the full spectrum of associated emotions. I am hopeful there will be times you can experience the physical and emotional manifestation of the world’s joy and happiness…some won’t. 

Available to ALL however is a Joy transcendent to the human experience and the emotional rollercoaster ride. Ask God to show you “His Joy” and the Power it provides to strengthen you through even the most uncomfortable seasons. 

I can imagine nothing worse than the loss of a beloved child. As I live this nightmare in real time, I am overcome with such gratitude that the “Joy of the Lord” is present with me. Although I grieve this catastrophic loss with my family, I know the crushing emotional pain of this loss will be swallowed up as the Comforter guides us through to a future filled with His Joy, Passion and Purpose! 

I am in a dark lonely valley now, and this pain is all but impossible to bear, but God’s Joy is here with me, and I can loudly testify that…

“The Joy of the Lord is my Strength!”